Tuesday, March 20, 2012

It's just a feeling............

Fear is just a feeling.......and I'm going to get over it. (I heard this tonight, and it really sunk in.)

The last couple of weeks I have been doubting myself. I have been questioning if I am as fast as I think I am or if I can be as fast as I want to be. I am not sure why. Self-doubt and insecurity seem to find a way through my "cracks." Still working on the "self analysis."

In my thoughts, I have been trying to figure out just why I run. I run because it's fun. I run to build friendships. I run for a healthy body. I run because it makes me feel like I have accomplished something. I run to escape. I run for strength. Recently I have found out that I want to be competitive. I like racing and I enjoy pushing myself.  I want to be fast and to get faster. I want to do well. I want to better my times. I would love some age group placings and wins. (Wow, this got me thinking, I do have two age group ribbons!) 
Today I did a lot of talking to myself (in my head). I reminded myself of how far I have come...  in 2010 I was sitting on the couch thinking exercise was a FOUR letter word. My resting heart rate was too high. I couldn't run a mile. And somehow I reached deep within and found that I had the courage to try something new.  In August of 2011, I was gearing up for my first half-marathon. I thought about my recent races and the successes I have had. I told myself not to compare myself to other runners. (This is something I really struggle with, as I do compare myself with other runners.)   Maybe most importantly, I reminded myself that I run because I love it. I run because it's fun. I run because I am strong and committed and determined. I run because it makes me feel amazingly good, physically and emotionally.

I need to remember -

Patience. Trust in the training. Listen to my body, and train according to MY needs. There are many training programs out there, and I need to stick with what works for me, not my neighbor.  Have faith in the process. Believe in myself. Don't be afraid of big goals. I am putting the work in, and I have to believe in myself. I have to find satisfaction in achieving my best, whatever that is. And according to my daughter's swim coach, I need to have fun. 

Courage. Faith. Strength. Determination.

I am on my own running journey. I don't know where it will take me, but I am going to enjoy the journey.

Now I just need to believe in the words that I type.

1 comment:

  1. So true! The most important part is to have fun, I think. And if fun to you is being competitive and placing, that's wonderful! What an awesome goal to have, and what an awesome feeling of accomplishment you'll receive when you continue to achieve it! I find you an inspiration!