It's just a feeling............

Fear is just a feeling.......and I'm going to get over it. (I heard this tonight, and it really sunk in.)

The last couple of weeks I have been doubting myself. I have been questioning if I am as fast as I think I am or if I can be as fast as I want to be. I am not sure why. Self-doubt and insecurity seem to find a way through my "cracks." Still working on the "self analysis."

In my thoughts, I have been trying to figure out just why I run. I run because it's fun. I run to build friendships. I run for a healthy body. I run because it makes me feel like I have accomplished something. I run to escape. I run for strength. Recently I have found out that I want to be competitive. I like racing and I enjoy pushing myself.  I want to be fast and to get faster. I want to do well. I want to better my times. I would love some age group placings and wins. (Wow, this got me thinking, I do have two age group ribbons!) 

Today I did a lot of talking to myself (in my head). I reminded myself of how far I have come...  in 2010 I was sitting on the couch thinking exercise was a FOUR letter word. My resting heart rate was too high. I couldn't run a mile. And somehow I reached deep within and found that I had the courage to try something new.  In August of 2011, I was gearing up for my first half-marathon. I thought about my recent races and the successes I have had. I told myself not to compare myself to other runners. (This is something I really struggle with, as I do compare myself with other runners.)   Maybe most importantly, I reminded myself that I run because I love it. I run because it's fun. I run because I am strong and committed and determined. I run because it makes me feel amazingly good, physically and emotionally.

I need to remember -

Patience. Trust in the training. Listen to my body, and train according to MY needs. There are many training programs out there, and I need to stick with what works for me, not my neighbor.  Have faith in the process. Believe in myself. Don't be afraid of big goals. I am putting the work in, and I have to believe in myself. I have to find satisfaction in achieving my best, whatever that is. And according to my daughter's swim coach, I need to have fun. 

Courage. Faith. Strength. Determination.

I am on my own running journey. I don't know where it will take me, but I am going to enjoy the journey.

Now I just need to believe in the words that I type.